The Sentimental Year-End

The end of the year and early of the year is a period which has the most festive holidays. "Merry X'mas and Happy New Year" is the most mentioned greetings in the period spanning from, at least if not earlier, 24th Dec to 1st Jan. Everyone will be looking forward to spend the intimate time with their love ones, i.e. families, partners, friends and colleagues (though it is less likely that "colleagues" will be the popular choice).

On the other hand, looking into the calendar, it is not hard to find that Chinese New Year and Valentines Day are partnering with each other, at least for year 2010. Coincide with these two important dates is my birthday which is at the end of January.

It should be the most cherry and merry period for, barring from those who have to work during that period, most people. I am, however, never really have the luxury of enjoying that, at least not since 2007, happy moment. It would be harsh to say that I sufferred during that period given my faith as a Christian. Nevertheless, at least I feel that lonely and sadness were lurking around me after attending X'mas service. The sorry sense of loneliness and deep agony creep slowly into my saddened heart.

I felt that it is not appropriate to elaborate in detail on how that would happen. All I could say is that I have never got the chance to celebrate all the abovementioned, supposingly cherry and merry days, with the one and only person I love. At least, it is not on the eve nor the exact day of these dates. Seeing and hearing others celebrating reinforces the God-damn feeling that I do not like! (sorry for being rude here)

I thought all this could be solved, once and for all, when I finally decided to put a stop on all this non-sense. I thought, at least I tried, I would have a better mood to celebrate these important days this year. But, to no avail, the past memory keep haunting me occasionally. I have had a torrid time to get rid of it, and worst still, it is continuing.

In order to get rid of all these, I have decided to keep myself busy and occupy every possible free time with all sorts of things. I thought that further studying while working could be the best solution as it is tiring and will occupy almost 50% of my time, while the other is for resting (40%) and amusement (10%). I must admit, though sad to say, that I have lost my confident in getting involved in any relationship. At least, that seems to be current state of play in my mind. I am just not encouraged enough to take the 1st step, fearing that I would eventually end up in another bad relationship. So, I must say sorry to my admirers, though I doubt there is any, that I am just not available at the moment. Not least till I am encouraged and confident to step back into the business again.

p.s.: I have stopped updating my blog for quite some time because I just do not know what I should write. My writing inspiration has just left me in vain for the past half year. I would like to apologize to my friends and readers because I have failed to honour my promise.